Sisterhood

Webster tells us the definition of sisterhood is a congenial relationship or companionship among women, mutual female esteem, concern, support, etc.

My definition of sisterhood is evident throughout the lines of the following true story:

It had been 18 years since I talked to Kelly. We were thick as thieves my senior year in high school and the following two years. For some forgettable reason we lost touch. However, I thought of her often. Three years ago a tragic death of a South Milwaukee native and resident took place. It was the daughter of a man I had as a teacher in high school. She, along with her baby girl, died during child birth. They were a well know family in town; the dad/grandpa was a teacher and basketball coach for many years at South Milwaukee High School. His daughter too became a teacher in South Milwaukee. It was heart wrenching for many. I decided to go on the obituary website of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and post my condolences to my former teacher. I did so signing my maiden name as well as leaving my email address. Not long after posting my sympathies, I received an email from a fellow classmate who had gone on the MJS online website to do the same as I. It read, “Hi Benka! It’s Kelly! I was visiting the obituary site to post a message to our former teacher and saw your name and email along with your sympathies. Heartbreaking, isn’t it?! After all these years, I can’t believe I saw your name and had a way to contact you. How are you?” Strange isn’t it? Someone’s passing, brought two old friends back together.

Shortly after exchanging emails I went to visit Kelly at her home. At the time married for 10+ years with an infant son named EJ; myself, married ten years with two daughters. My eldest daughter shares the same birthday with my friend. Kelly looked terrific, looked exactly like I remembered. During my visit her son fell ill. I stayed and helped her clean up “messes” all the while we reminisced. It felt as though only days had gone by and not years. After hours of catching up and cleaning up we parted with a hug and a promise to keep in touch. That was a little more than three years ago.

For months we exchanged many emails and phone calls, but in December of 2006, Kelly sent me an unforgettable, emotional email. At thirty-six years of age she was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer that had spread to her liver. The next year (our second year since rekindling our friendship) would prove to be one filled with laughter, tears, strength, weakness, education, anger, and hope. Immediately I picked up the phone and called Kelly. She was upbeat, positive, going to meet this terrible “c-word” head on, and would fight! While talking with her I broke down in tears. She consoled and reassured me everything would be okay. SHE consoled ME. Have I told you what an amazing individual she is?

Surgeries were performed and many doctor appointments filled Kelly’s days. Chemotherapy was under way and prayers and support were in abundance. During the months from January to June 2007 I accompanied Kelly on three chemo appointments. We would talk, laugh, make plans, and not discuss the reason behind why we were there. Not a day would pass when I didn’t think of my friend and pray to God to leave this amazing person on earth. “Do not take her from us; her little boy needs her, her husband needs her, her friends need her.”

Early in July 2007 Kelly finished with chemo and had a scan that would hopefully reveal her cancer in remission. The results of her scan would reveal… NO CANCER. Her stage four colon cancer was gone. She would remain an angel here on earth. That August the women in Kelly’s life celebrated her 37th birthday and the fact she had beat cancer. It was a party filled with laughter through tears, the best emotion ever to experience.

My sister joined me at Kelly’s party and upon arriving we realized we only knew two other women. Throughout the celebration we all started to share our best “Kelly stories” and then the most special aspect of each of our friendships with her. We all realized we had so many things in common; one story started another and then another. Within three hours my sister and I felt as though we had known these women for years. That is a feeling of true sisterhood.

I thank God for saving my friend, I thank a woman whom I never got to meet for returning my friend to me, and I thank my friend for being an inspiration, an angel, a pillar of strength, and a sister. It is now February 2009 and Kelly has been cancer free for 17 months.

The following statements are my personal definitions of sisterhood:
• Having a special bond with one woman or many women.
• Having a special bond as friends, family or both.
• With my sisters, tears turn to laughter and laughter brings tears.
• Silence is understood and sometimes speaks volumes when the words just aren’t there.
• No mate is ever good enough for us.
• When there is a problem, we drop whatever we are doing to lend a listening ear, share a cup of coffee, a pint of ice-cream, or a cocktail or two or three.
• We share recipes, frustrations, clothes, secrets, etc.
• We love to shop.
• We tell each other when there is something stuck in our teeth.
• Email, email, email.
• Going to chemotherapy treatments with a “sister” and talk about everything but the reason we are there.
• Honesty!
• Respect!
• Loyalty!
• Best friends for years, lose touch, reunite after years, and don’t miss a beat!

Sisterhood and friendships stem from persons, good hearts, honesty, and identity with one’s self.